(Mis)matched
Reflecting on the experience of “not fitting in” through metaphorical cards, allowing to safely express the emotions tied to these experiences.
Duration: 80 minutes. Introduction: 20 minutes. Reflection: 15 minutes. Discussion: 3 minutes per person. Summary: 15 minutes.
Difficulty level: 4/5
Preparation
Metaphorical cards, photos, or images cut from magazines.
Introduction
Begin by briefly discussing their understanding of “not fitting in”. What forms of exclusion are familiar to you? These do not have to be personal; the aim is to open up a broader conversation. This discussion will serve as a prelude to the main exercise.
Invite participants to sit in a circle. Explain that shortly, they will have the opportunity to select one card from the spread-out images, which will help them metaphorically express their experience of “not fitting in” within society.
Clarify that after choosing a card, participants will share their choice with the group. While they are encouraged to stick to the metaphor, they are welcome to speak more directly if they wish.
Remind participants that sharing their stories is entirely voluntary. Everyone has the right to withhold or refrain from sharing their experiences. Stress the importance of personal boundaries and comfort, referring to the Safe Space agreements.
Encourage active, respectful listening. Remind the group to refrain from asking questions, interrupting, or commenting during others’ stories. The goal is to give everyone the space to share without judgment or disruption.
Emphasize that the exercise is about seeking understanding, not solving problems. Participants are not expected to provide solutions or share anything that might feel too difficult.
Instructions
Participants choose an image that resonates with their experience, representing how they feel about “not fitting in.”
You can use the following guiding questions to spark reflection:
When have you felt that you didn’t belong in a group or situation?
When did you feel invisible or unaccepted?
Have you ever felt excluded from something?
In such a situation, what do you need, and what would help you feel supported?
Encourage participants to focus on their emotions and the metaphorical significance of their chosen card. Avoid probing for specific details that might be too painful. The emphasis is on feelings and metaphors, not on an exhaustive recounting of events.
Participant’s Story (3 minutes): Participants one by one share what the card symbolizes for them and why they chose it.
After each story, allow some quiet time for participants to reflect on what was shared. This space allows them to process their thoughts and emotions before moving to the next person.
Helpful tips
The flow of the exercise will depend on the group’s level of trust and the comfort participants feel in a non-judgmental environment.
As the facilitator, you should ask one opening question:
Why did you choose this card?
What does this card symbolize to you?
Avoid asking follow-up questions, paraphrasing, or commenting.
Remain attuned to the group’s dynamics. Be ready to pause or halt the exercise if the intensity of emotions becomes overwhelming.
Wrap-up
Explain that the purpose of the exercise was to explore the themes of “not fitting in” and shed the labels we may have internalized.
Ask participants how they currently view themselves and others after the exercise. How are they feeling? What do they need at this moment?
If strong emotions arise during or after the exercise, ensure the session ends in a soothing manner—with a breathing exercise, a brief meditation, or a moment of silence.